I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
