You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
