yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
