Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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