Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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