I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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