is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
