I puked a lego.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
