non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
