I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
