Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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