Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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