it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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