Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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