Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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