i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
