3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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