I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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