tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
