I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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