She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You took a bar mat shot.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
