look no pants
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
