Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you so shy because you have an std?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
