All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
