Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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