I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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