If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
