its not stalking. its research.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
