The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
