I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
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Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.