Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.