Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Randomize
Follow @tfln