He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
