Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

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  (206): he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff. http://tfl.nu/ss2c
  Replies (13) Good night (9419) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

  (310): View more from California

  And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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  (310): LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers. (310): And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow. http://tfl.nu/mkft
  Replies (26) Good night (4283) Bad night (1364)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?

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  (617): so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic? http://tfl.nu/c421
  Replies (60) Good night (1433) Bad night (6986)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.

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  (712): Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore. http://tfl.nu/hjm6
  Replies (5) Good night (911) Bad night (3440)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

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  (636): Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent http://tfl.nu/1tsa
  Replies (12) Good night (2112) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.

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  (330): We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vjyg
  Replies (6) Good night (2278) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.

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  (914): Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/4mfa
  Replies (5) Good night (1806) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.

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  (801): Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month. http://tfl.nu/irqs
  Replies (14) Good night (2130) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.

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  (419): There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night? (1-419): Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass. http://tfl.nu/devs
  Replies (12) Good night (1777) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.

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  (352): But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus. http://tfl.nu/k1xi
  Replies (3) Good night (1177) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

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  (610): I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason? http://tfl.nu/yqy8
  Replies (7) Good night (832) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.

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  (310): That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better. http://tfl.nu/qdjx
  Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You are living the dream.

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  (617): The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent (603): You are living the dream. http://tfl.nu/ydgw
  Replies (5) Good night (1300) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!

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  (707): Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP! http://tfl.nu/osdr
  Replies (0) Good night (239) Bad night (193)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila

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  (508): Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila http://tfl.nu/1xij
  Replies (1) Good night (320) Bad night (132)

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