i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
