I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
