so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
