like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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