Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
