My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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