nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
