Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
