Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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