is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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