Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
