Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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