That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
