you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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