its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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