just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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