when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.