i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink