I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
