That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
