Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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