Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
