how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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