i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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