I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
