I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
