he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
