Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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