Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
