I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
