he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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