what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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